Shore tour part 1

The highlights of the shore so far this summer are as follows:

1) outdoor beer pong on mini tables,
2) "No, I'm not a stripper."
3) Turd cutter/feces fountain
4) Bar-b-Que Chicken pizza,
5) Ed and the away game

The list will be increasing daily, and most definitely includes things that I missed. More to come later.

Things I shouldn't do anymore (pt. 1)

Things that I shouldn't do:

1. Start fights with 14 year old red-headed step children on the Basketball Courts, even when they have potty-mouths and are insulting my mother.
2. Get really drunk at BBQs and go looking for ex-girlfriends on South Street at Fast Cheap and Out of Control - Sunday Nights - even though I don't hook up with them when I see them.
3. Read bad sports blogs, even though I am avoiding work.
4. Check incessantly on my stock, even though I know that it only rises in the morning (and falls in the afternoon).

That's all for now. I may remember more later....

Be A Millionaire Day!

I will be celebrating this next year.

The year after, I intend to celebrate "Be a billionaire day!"

Yeah.

Topic for Discussion: Comeback songs

Surprise surprise, but when we were drinking, Ed + I were discussing comeback songs, such as:

Oh What a Night -early to mid 1990's
Don't Stop Believing - late 1990's
Rick Rolling a.k.a. Never gonna give you up -2007 and on and on...

What's next?

I thought maybe "Too Legit to Quit" or "poison"

What's you're opinion?

Please comment and let me know. In two years we can look back on this and either brag or mae fun of the commentor.

Closest to the next come-back wins a five spot from me. Maybe it will buy a gallon of gas/diesel fuel by then.

Thanks f0r listening

What am I? Your Mother?

So apparently my mom read my blog.





And she's none too happy about the language.
(Not my mom, but someone's probably)




Sorry Mom! I'll try not to f-in curse anymore.





Bye !

I Want to date a shoplifter!!!

Think about it? Cool stuff for free? I'll have 73 ties and 108 belts by the end of the year!!! Plus conjugal visit sex, how awesome would that be!!

I guess I'll have to save up for bail money now.

Crazy Bitches fucking with me in my own house!! and other related stories.

We're working backwards like Mission Impossible, bitches!

4:00 a.m. 4-19, I go to sleep, happy that all my random houseguests are asleep.
3:30 a.m. 4-19 Some crazy bitch insults Ed and refuses to shut the fuck up. Despite me asking her to leave my house some time ago, she doesn't take it seriously. She eventually falls asleep so I don't have to hear her whore mouth. She is apparently a sore winner as well
3:30 a.m. 4-19 Ed and I decide to have a friendly game of heads-up poker. Some chick who is kind of cute, but waaaay fucked up, wants to play with us. She then goes to out kick my trips to beat me, and out kick Ed slightly on some similar hand to take our $5.00 buy ins. She says that she wants to play cash games when we're sitting there. Apparently, she's down to her last 5.00 but that shouldn't matter. She slow rolls me when she beat my trips, showing poor sportsmanship.
3:00 a.m. 4-19 A clown car/cab opens its door outside of my house, and 5 people that I don't know are staying over. Ed and G also arrive. Pizza from All Star arrives. Some drunk chick makes herself a White Russian using soy milk.
2:30 a.m. 4-19 Me, Beth and Matt return to my house. Me and Beth order All Star. Mattie passes out.
2:00 a.m. 4-19 We leave the bar. Some asshole who is Lisa's boyfriend tries to start a fight. Oh Boy!
1:30 a.m. 4-19 I find Mattie Beth Ed and Lisa at the front bar. Me and G have a drink and start to try to talk to Beth's friends who are mediocre at best.
1:00 a.m. 4-19 G and I leave our cozy deck spot to find trouble.
12:30 a.m. 4-19 G and I do a shot of Patron and talk to some Jerzey hot chick. She seems to be having a good time until her Jersey boyfriend arrives. I wonder if he drives an Iroc? Patron shot #2
12:00 a.m. 4-19 Mattie and Ed leave to find Beth. Brad leaves to go home. G arrives. Shots of Patron for the people! 12.00 is way too much per shot.
11:30 p.m. 4-18 Hang with Brad on the deck and get scolded for smoking (him, not me.) Mattie and Ed find us and hang with us for a bit.
11:00 p.m. 4-18 Finally get in, some money and some eye candy. Brew Pub isn't my scene, but I love skirt season.
10:30 p.m. 4-18 Meet up with Beth, Mattie, Lisa (Beth's friend), Lisa's BF, John, Ricky, and Jimbo at Sapphire. One drink and a shot of SoCo Lime and we are on our way to the Brew pub.
10:00 p.m. 4-18 Ed and I sit outside at the tent and have some food.
9:45 p.m. 4-18 Ed and I are told not so politely that we have to put our name on the list at Thomas' if we want to sit outside and eat/drink. Fuck that Bitches!! people to see and places to go. We audi 5000.
9:30 p.m. 4-18 We start our way down the hill. Time for Mirth and Fun in Manayunk! let's hope everything is awesome!!

-------------
2:00 a.m. 4-18 Home is where the heart is, and also General Tso's Chicken. Chicken it up right and off to bed.
1:40 a.m. 4-18 Drop off Laura and Jonathan at Fort 1912, and I'm on my way!
1:30 a.m. 4-18 Leave 700 and drunken Geckler to her own devices. She is way drunker than I am, and I'll never catch up. Off we go!!!
1:00 a.m 4-18 Check out the upstairs at 700. See Dave P. and a lot of people not dancing. Jonathan said that he would if he didn't have the sailor suit on.
12:00 a.m. 4-18 We go to the 700 and meet up with a very drunk Megan Geckler and a not all that drunk Sara Sherr. After a half hour Sara absconds and leaves us with Megan. I will have to get her back for this!
11:30 p.m. 4-17 Jet from Johnny Brenda's leaving Nick, Cindy, Jonathan S., Chris, and Kaci to fend for theirselves. Off we go!!
11:00 p.m. 4-17 My food arrives. It's surprisingly good. I get a drunken call from Geckler, and she is hanging at the 700. I order and finish another Kenzinger, and we start to make our way to the door. Chris and Kaci finally arrive.
10:00 p.m. 4-17 Johnny Brenda's with Jonathan(s) and Laura. Table in the corner. Nexus kids joining us soon. Kenzingers for $3.00 is our best deal, and a round is ordered.
9:30 p.m. 4-17 We leave the new Neus in search of our next destination.. beer is gone, it's time to go. Off we go!!!!
7:00 - 9:30 p.m. 4-17 Nexus party/fundraiser sponsored by PBC. Try all four beers, their belgian style ale is the best out of the bottle. I see art and eat food, while seeing - Jonathan (Ultra), Laura, Chris, Kaci, Ricky Paul, Marina, Val, Marina's husband (pete?), Nick, Cindy, and Jonathan S, who is Ultra's friend. Party time -excellent - but it has to end, and we agree to reconvene at Johny Brenda's.

------------------
1:45 a.m. 4-16 I drop Ultra off at Fort 1912. Another sucessful Tuesday night.
1:30 a.m. 4-16 Skinners for last call. I can't even drink anymore. Time to go home.
12:40 a.m. 4-16 National Mechanics stop. One beer, and Joe makes me sing a song. I choose Kiss by Prince. My fans are less than pleased. Meet up with George, a regular there. The stock of pretty girls is running low, so we head out to Skinners.
12:30 a.m. 4-16 Leave the Raven. I kind of felt bad for ditching early, but it was down to Trishy, Shenita Stretcher, and three dudes by the bar. Now was as good of a time as ever.
11:45 p.m. 4-15 Got back to the Raven and met up with Trishy and Jonathan. Had a drink at the bar, and hung out for a while. Trishy introduced us to a couple of her teammates who were cute. But alas, they had boyfriends. Since You Been Gone and It's Tricky were the Stevie Steve set, as we enjoyed life for a bit.
11:00 p.m. 4-15. Arrived at Oscar's for a drink. Two drinks later, I was unwound and ready to go. Nobody hit my message back, so I met back up with Trishy.
10:45 p.m. 4-15. Got to the Raven, and I couldn't get a drink. My options were to hang with the diger-e-do player downstairs for open mike night, or invade someone's party. I chose option 3. I said hi to Trishy, and went out to try to grab a drink
10:30 p.m. Wii time is over. Time to have Tuesday Night Fun Haus.

-----------------------------------
I also wanted to include the last week in this, but I think that you've had all that you can stand now. It will be coming soon.

Easter Eve recap

So the night before Easter, and I'm going out.
All the creatures were stirring, so I couldn't pout.
Sat my ass by the bar with a mug full of beer,
wishing my four team parlay would appear.
Hot bartenders dressed in slutty girl best.
I tried not to look but I stared at their breasts.
Drinking and walking around the Olde City,
I'm hoping to make out with some one who's pretty...

O.k. somewhere in there I forgot about the words and melody to the night before X-Mas. But you get the point. Ed, Brian and I went galavanting in Olde City drinking for a bit. I'm not sure actually where we ended up during the night, but I know that we ended at the R Club. It was pretty uneventful there, but we were stopped by the cops on the way from the R Club to the diner. For looking like thugs. 4 thugs. Me Brian Ed....Well, no one ever said that a Philadelphia education was quality. I think I thought better of their civil servents though.

After breakfast we headed home. one long ass cab ride later, and I finally got to go to sleep.

AC Recap

I'm on a delayed reaction from last Thursday. Sometimes it takes a while to get fully sober...

Anyway after a day of basketball watching, $1 bets with Matt and Ed, and surprising little drinking, I headed down to AC for a Beth Birthday Bash. Ed, Matt, Beth, Sarah, and I went to the Tropicana for some wagering and whistle wetting...

We hit the following bars throughout the night

17) Cuba Libre - one drink with the scary waiter, a decision that all their food was scary, and a chance to move on,
18) Rí~Rá - a two drink stop at a slutty Irish bar, where a number of girls decided to try to pick up Ed, and then thought better of it,
19) A Dam Good Sports Bar - 40 oz. of gold plus splitting another, tempered with shots of goodness, and bar food. MMM...bar food...
20) Providence - dance dance thump thump dance dance thump thump. Guy tried to hit on Beth in front of Mattie, because he wasn't scared of him. Somehow when I walked over, he changed his mind and walked away. Ed decided not to try to pick up to Long Island 30 something hottish housewives, while a woman (with her man in tow) tried to pick me up. Neither of us were down for a threesome ( although his would have been better than mine) and we headed back to the room to put the drunkards to bed.

After that we headed downstairs for some gambling. A guy at my table was pulling the Matt routine ( I am just so good looking...that's why I win all the time.) It had an air of annoying but was also a lot of hilarious. I drunkingly played for about 3 hours and was up a total of $2. Score!

At some point, Matt and Beth succumbed(sp?) to slumber, and Ed and I succumbed to hunger. Diner food at 6 a.m. with a waitress who could barely speak English is awesome. We paid the entire bill in ones, including the tip. Then we jetted up to grab 4 hours of sleep before check out..

The drive home was a mess, and led us to waiting around for an hour to get cheesesteak, which was a great and terrible idea. After that I faded in and out of sleep while waiting b-ball. won a few sports bets, and was ready to go....the next night....but that was Saturday, and my memory of that is faded right now. Until then..

20 (different) bars in 20 days- update!

By the way, I made the 20 different bars in 20 days goals thanks to Atlantic City. Once I remember all of the names of the bars, I will let you know. I'll also update my Saturday nite drinking as well.

l8r.

Names, like Times, are Changing...

I realized that I was writing way too much about drinking. Therefore I have name changed to "Too Drunk to Blog" after the Dead Kennedys.

That is all for now.

philthy britches and shamrock surprise (sat +mon recap)

Saturday Nite's alright for fighting, but I did not do any of that. Rather I went to see a number of girls in skimpy outfits do that for me. Philly Roller Girls at the Sportsplex in Bensalem, yo. Roller Derby Extravaganza. Beer, friends, and a bunch of bitches clawing each other's eyes out. What could be better!

Trishy is on the murderous Broad Street Butchers. She also happens to be my sister. I did kind of feel bad rooting against her team when I saw some of the hot girls on the other team, but then the Butchers lost. You should never feel bad about backing a winner. Go Philthy Britches!

I ran in Giorgo and Chris Vitale, and after that we headed down to Manayunk for some good times at 105 Social(14). By good times, I mean not good times. We were too sober and never caught up. As I realized this was the trap of a drinking holiday weekend, I headed home for some sleep, and the chance to do it all again the next day. Sadly I would have to wait until Monday to drink again....

Monday came around, and my sober ass couldn't even convince me to go to work despite it would look like the following:

1. I was drunk from the night before,
2. I'm a drunken irishman who can't hold my booze,
3. It's cliche to take off only on a Monday or a Friday,
4. I started my vaca a little early.

It was probably one of those, so I decided I could lose the argument with myself. I worked out and watched 8 hours of 6 Feet Under on DVD. Mattie then called me and invited me to Derricks (15) with him for some drinking and dining with his girlfriend, the lovely Beth. We had too much there, and decided that we couldn't drive home. As a result, we hit 105 again, and Mattie had too much to drink. At some point, John came in. Mattie and Beth left as they had too much to drink. Ed and I left cause of too much John. We hit the Manayunk Brewing Co. (16) but it was dead, and instead got a cheese steak at Fiesta.

Erin go braugh!

Tuesday and Thursday night on the town

I feel like I should be singing an Electric Six song, because I ended up at a dance party at a gay bar on Tuesday. This is after heading to Karaoke at National Mechanics (10) and singing my face off. Well, I only sang Add it up, by the Violent Femmes and Air Supply, but I rocked the party. I also drank a bit too much. At Nat Mech., I ran into Dave F., Joe, Jonathan, Trishy, and Melanie (my ex). Ultra and I headed out to Skinners (11)after that, stayed for one beer and then headed to Dave P. and Adam Sparkles' new night at Woody's (12). I felt like breaking out the Mattie line, "I don't normally go to places like this, but this place is alright for a gay bar. (pause). Who am I kidding, I go to gay bars all the time." It was the usual scenester crowd but that's okay. I was just bummed that I couldn't get a free drink. I ran home to go to sleep because I had to get up early in the morning.

Wednesday was a light night, and I stayed in. Thursday nite was another drink down the hill night and the first stop was the Ugly Moose (13). Unfortunately, we went back to the Bayou after that and I avoided adding to the list, which means my work is cut out for me over the next week. Drank too much, and ended up eating an Awesome bacon Cheesburger with a Grape soda at the end of the night. And that was that.

i am good at poker

I google searched my name to see what came up, and I found that I had a poker hand posted. It was this one:

http://www.pokerhand.org/?1136760

or this

http://www.pokerhand.org/?682018

wow. I suck at poker...lol

then again there's this...

www.pokersourceonline.com/news_events.asp?p=4

maybe I'm not so bad.

Daylight Savings Time Fun-o-rama

So I was chilling in the crib ready to pretty much do nothing, when the call came from the batphone. Ultra time. So I threw on the Brut cologne, put on Haddaway in the background, got my chest hair all waxed up, and I was ready to go.

Met up with Ultra at 6) McGlinchy's for two beers and some Candace love. W hung out there until it was time to go to 7) Jose Pistolas to sit down at the downstairs bar for a cheap beer (Yuengling Lager for me) and an expensive beer for Jonathan. After that it was time to get outta dodge and hit some Wawa for food before stop number 3 - (8) Ulana's for Dark Corner. It was surreal in there from meeting up with Matt Q and Justin, to be questioned about "not being goth" by a guy who frankly -aside from his black painted fingernails - did not look all that "goth." Some hotties at the party feeling naughty shake their boobies, but overall not much going on there. Thankfully it was last call for alcohol, which only means one thing. After hours for more drinking.

We get to the R Club, and for the first time ever, I notice that there is an elephant on the floor. We see some of the usuals theres, but some of the girls there were first timer to see Steve. I can't imagine that they did not enjoy the experience. Some metal head dude told me that he fucking loved me, and that I am fucking crazy. From the look of that guy, i could tell that that was one of the highest compliments that he could give, so I graciously (Sp?) accepted. Soon enough, however, it was last call there. 4:00 a.m. comes pretty darn fast, especially when it's actually 5:00 a.m.

Back to fort 1912 for bubblegum porn from Canada and super sammiches at the casa. I pass out on the couch, and hope that i haven't been walking around with random objects in permanent magic marker on my cheek. Lemme look....

Thankfully there's nothing there. so it's time for me to close this down, watch an episode of Six Feet Under on DVD and hopefully catch some sleep. See you kids.

thursday nite, ain't a damn thing funny...bitch better have my money

Sorry I stole the title from Big Daddy Kane.

Ed, Matt and I did some heart-healthy drinking down the hill on Thursday. But not before we were playing some wii drink. While we killed our livers, I achieved our highest score ever ( damn V key on my laptop does not want to work).... 289!!!


If I was a real bowler, I'd be the next Walter Earl Ray, Roy Munson, or Big Earnie. (okay the last two are fictional, but even as a sports guy, I don't know many pro bowlers.) I am just that fucking good!


After that we went down the hill, stopping at 4)CJ & Ecks, to see a womyn's soccer team and barge in on Dart league. As a result, we were one and done there. We then went to the 5)Bayou, for cheap beer and the St. Joe's game. They actually beat Xavier and are in some sort of position to make the NCAA tournament. If not, there's always the NIT!

Matt felt like actually making it to work on Friday, so we cut out early. When I got home, I rediscovered the joys of the Hoff.

Best picture ever!!!

Wii should drink!

I love the wii. And I love drinking beer. So when my brother, my cousin and I got together to play wii bowling, we had to make a drinking game.

And so we did, and so we drank.

And while the game caught on with a number of other houses, it did not have a name.

Then after 4 beers on Thursday nite, it came to me....Wii Drink!!

Basically, the premise is this:

If you get a strike, the other people have to drink two.
If you get a spare, the others drink one.
If you get no mark, then you drink three.
If you fail to throw the ball, you drink one for each time in the game when you have done so.

The drinks carry over ( i.e. if you go strike (+2), spare (+1), strike (+2) on three consecutive holes then the others would have to drink 2 for the first frame, three for second, and 5 for the third.) A missed mark breaks your strak, and you reset on your next mark.

Other optional rules:
if all of your players are good, you can cap drinks per round at 10.
if one player gets a turkey (three strikes in a row), you hae a reverse waterfall, where the person with the lowest score is the first to stop drinking, and the person with the highest score is the last to do so.
all players get a strike in the same frame, it's a social.

So now go out and get yourself a wii, and then wii drink!!!

Be a winner at the game of Life

I was bored.

As I was bored, I had to play some games.

I guess you could say they were "bored" games.

I decided mentally that I'm bringing back the d-list and the d-list brackets. The D-list is a list of the biggest assholes in Professional sports. From Roger Clemens to OJ Simpson to Mike Tyson and more, the d-list is sure to stir on conversation and hours of joy. Of course, it's the perverse joy that only comes with making fun of people, but I digress.

I am an avid listener of Jon Solomon's show on WPRB (103.3) - but only for the first five minutes. (The show airs at 7:00 p.m. most Wednesdays.) Why only at that time? Because I love to rock out to the Death of Pop by the Rub. You can snag the link below and listen to here...



Mattie also turned me on to an awesome blog, stuff white people like.
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/

It's funny because I'm white, and I like most of these things. I also enjoy making fun of myself. Therefore, it's even funnier to me.

Oh, we also went to a bar, so i'm kind of drunk now. It was

3.) Murphy's Tavern

which, if it sounds to you like a dive bar with cheap beer, old men, darts, and wing specials on a Wednesday, then your ears are pretty good. I got housed in darts and in shitty beer, but I'm now home. That's alls that I gots for you now.

Caught in the clutches of Gamblor!

I am good at poker. Some days I am awesome at poker. Lately, I have been very very good. But some days there are gas leaks in my house when I play because my sister forgot to turn off the stove, and I am merely good again. Today is one of those days, which is a shame because I was signed up to play a 109.00 Omaha tournament that I got to play in for just 10.

Anyway, I signed up to play, and I also got into a $50 buy in tourney and a 30 sit and go. I was disgustingly light headed and got knocked out of the two tourneys for big $$ real early. I did have some redemption in the 30, cashing for 81, but that's nothing. I should have grabbed the first place.

Now, I'm in a 20, and waiting for a 30. I am also waiting for my head to clear. It's interesting to see what donk moves I'll make.

On other fronts, I gots me some second hand TiVo that I long to hook up to my TeeVee. I'll do on a night that I ain't high..

the beginning of 20 bars in 20 days. and Chuggo.

I recently discovered Chuggo, and more importantly, I discover the world around him, which pretty much involves making fun of him. I have put a link to the Chuggo video, so you and your friends can have an inside joke about him as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPeHk4WMWpY&feature=related

AAAH, come on fuck a guy!!

I also promised you 20 bars in 20 days. Alcoholism is a curse and a blessing. Thankfully today it was a blessing.

My 2 bars
1) Locust bar
2) Silk City

My 7 karaoke songs:

Silk
a) Caribbean Queen - Billy Ocean
b) the Promise - When in Rome
c) Going Back to Cali - LL Cool J
d) I would Die 4 U - Prince
Locust
e) Baby I'm a Star - Prince
f) Freefalling - Tom Petty
g) Talk Dirty to Me - Poison

The Random People I've saw tonight:
Matt-Ed-Emily-Moe-Ben-Jonathan-Laura-Mike-Josh-Trishy-Ricky-Amanda(swoon)-Amanda's GF-Sara Sherr-Andy-Hot Silk City Bartender-Dave F.- Phil-Emerald

Amount of fun (on a scale of 1-10): 6.5 -average to above average

huzzah- I'm a whole lot of awesome..ahhh come on' fucking guy!!

About me- and why this is the year of Steve

So why did I take to starting a blog. There are a number of reasons, but more importantly, there are a number of facts:

Fact 1: It is the year of Steve. While the revolution will not be televised, it will be blogged.

Fact 2: Today was a good day to start blogging, as it is the beginning of a new month. Also all my friends were either hammered by 4:00 in the afternoon, or sick, so I had nothing to do tonight.

Fact 3: I am awesome (and modest.)

Fact 4: Random readership will increase, but no will go back to read the original. So I can say anything I want here.

Basically, this blog is about anything I want, but mostly involves Music, Sex, Sports, Karaoke, Drinking, Gambling, and everything that goes with it. So welcome to my blog'o'sphere.